In Need.

I saw this on Texie's site. A young man who really needs our help.  He left home due to an abusive father who is coming back from prison.  Please visit his site. He is just a young man who really needs a break.  He is going through something which we would not want to go through nor see our children go through.  I read his site and I cannot imagine what its like to be homeless as its something that I've never experienced, and reading his how terrrible it is for him, reminds me of how lucky I am to be with my family right now. 

He is alone and all his possesions have been stolen.  No Money. no food, no shelter, and no one to help him through.  I saw Xanga as a community of people from all races who get to glimpse into each other's life, hopefully learning about the cultures and differences in everyones day to day life.  I would also like to think that Xanga can be a place where we can make a difference in even one person's life.  Please help this young guy with whatever you can, whether its just to encourage others to make a donation, so he can get through until he gets back on his feet (he is too young to be going through this) or making a donation yourself, anything will be gratefully received.  This is a genuine request for help for someone who can really use it.  This is your chance to make a difference in someone's life.  Like Texie said  "It goes in cycles dude... a chain I suppose.  Sometimes we give.. sometimes we receive".  I hope you will all find it in your hearts to give to someone who could sure use it. 

Heart

Another quick quiz, courtesy of Therapy Girl.  I got curious to know what my heart would be analyzed as?

Heart of Gold

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ouch, this is too accurate for me to even decipher.  Then again don't we all long for someone who will love us unconditionally?  One who will treasure us just as we are, who will see the real person inside, and one who will love us regardless of time and superficial attributes?  I am waiting for the man who wouldn't have to change for me, who already is the one I want.  Is he here? I hope so.  I really hope so.

I also want to say thanks to Fancie_Face who spotlighted me on her site.  I have only known Shannon for a short time, but this woman is one talented individual and I love the way she writes, she is compassionate and observes the world in such a way that I look forward to reading her entries. Shannon here's to a good long friendship .  Glad to have met you.

Ready for Love

Reminiscing is so much fun sometimes, it can make you feel anew, its like a moment in time played back just right, it just holds you, caresses you in such a way that you almost lose all grasp of reality.  Is falling in love different every time, is it universal? Does it touch your heart in a different way every time, it seems spending time with ER1KA has left me with questions as well as answers .  ER1KA ah she really intrigues me, she has that mysterious side to her, her love for Richard is almost a fable, its so deep and intense yet its based in the uncertain world of virtual reality.  She loved him from the moment he said hello to her, when he told her his name was James, and he was Still Learning.  She fell for his mystery, his kindness that was unlike anything she had ever seen.  I can talk to her forever, and I do ha! ha! ha! I will publish their story soon, its one to behold wow, her love for him is unfathomable, so endearing. The way they fell for each other was breath taking. More next post.

Falling in love, is so exhilarating, its those butterflies in your stomach that take you higher and bring you to flight.  Its the simplest and smallest of gestures that thrill you to the core of your being.  The point at which you feel that connection, that rare joining of two souls no matter how far.  The moment when your heart overpowers your mind, yep thats falling in love for me.  It's the  feeling that only your heart can truly define.  Its when you take all fear aside, and step naked into the realms of love. Its the world where everything is magical.  It's the moment when you realize that you can love again, and that this time can be better than the last, and this could be The One .

The One, oooh here we go, this always makes me cringe, who is the one, Mr Right in his simplest form, isn't he the one that is there when everyone has gone and all thats left is the two of you, together happy and content with your life. Isn't he the man who I was destined to grow with.  I can feel myself growing everyday, is he growing too, and when will the time come when we will both grow together?  Answers on a postcard to Zeliah Con Fused, 4 Utosay Rd, =P Kidding aside, why don't they have a subject called love in school, you'd think they would cover one of the most recurrent factor in our lives.  Why do we have to learn the hard way, why can't we be taught the lessons in life that would all make us wiser and happier.  I loved Calculus (yes I am a nerd and proud of it! hail Geek Code LOL), but lets be honest I have never used it here in the outside world.  Why can't we be taught the lessons like how to make a living, and enterpreneur skills, how to speak and be heard, why won't they include lifes lesson in curriculums, then maybe there would be less suicides, broken hearts and people who waste their life because of arrogance and ignorance. Ooops I went all political there I think.

Back to falling, can you even remember that feeling when you meet someone and suddenly each morning is filled with promise? You become inspired to do everything and your day, everyday, is wonderful.  You walk around with a smile that paints your face, from the moment you wake up until the darkness of the night.  Even your dreams trace the feelings which have invaded your once quiet heart.  I have almost forgotten how it feels to act like sanity has left the building.  To be wanton and free, to run without hesitation, forgetting that with the chance of unbridled happiness comes the risk of pain in its deepest and most raw state.  So powerful is love that it can take over your own sanity, your disposition, and so fulfilling that it can survive alone in the darkest corner.  I will never be able to explain what love is and what it can still be, all I know is that the process alone is massive, it can last for as long as 2 days, 6 months, and even 60 years.  It is surely timeless, and priceless.   The best love is unconditional, its the rare form that we all long for and seldom find.  It's the kind of love that most mothers hold for their children, and the type of love that each of us would be lucky to have bestowed upon us.  Are any of us ready for love?  Have we truly considered what we want and what we are willing to give?  If true love showed up on your doorstep would you truly face it, or play games, let your fear haunt you, or would you embrace it as you ought to?  I am ready for love, with all its attributes, both sides I have faced before, may those lessons prove useful to me now.  I am ready for love, but is love ready for me?

I know my last post was bold and it was something that suprised many, but that description of the man of my dreams was made when I felt it way back then, it was a stroll down memory lane, with a final gesture of goodbye to a good friend who understood me so well, and it was an admition that in life we will meet people who seem right, but are not meant to be, and we must accept that life is that way, and we must all do the right thing. It's so easy to judge when its not you thats in that position, but when it happens to you and you are torn, yet you set aside your heart and you hold on to integrity for strength, only then will you understand how love is diverse and complicated.  I was being honest and I was getting rid of skeletons in my closet.  I pride myself in being real to me first and foremost, and doing the right thing no matter how hard.  I know what I am capable of doing, and what I must do.  I started this Xanga for me, and those who read it get the priveledge of sharing my thoughts, but that is all.  This is a fraction of my personality, its my most sacred at times, and most crazy moments at best.  I bare my heart through my words and shield others so that their privacy is preserved.  Anonymity is a luxury I alone gave up, and therefore please dont email to ask for names or is it this person or that person, this is unfair and unjust to say the least.  Please read what you wish to read, leave a comment if you like and then lets all go back to our reality.  Life is short and its best lived out there.  It's best lived for every moment, and although I appreciate you all coming here (please come back LOL)  I would like to think you learn something from my ramblings and somehow you can use it in your own situation no matter what that may be.

At the risk of my friends telling me I told you so, their counselor theory has come to life.  I have been asked so many questions through email and I have decided to open an advice part on this site, to give advice for those who have asked for it.  If you need any help, be it technical or emotional, feel free to email me, your anonymity is important to me, so pls use a name which you would like me to refer to, in that way you will find your answer easily.  I do not claim to be an expert  but I am willing to help in the best that I can and I will try to answer everyone who emails.  I have answered all so far.  Apart from half of this weeks =) I will get to those tomorrow. Take care everyone and Good morning.

Training

I aplogize that its only now that I am updating, so much is going on right now and busy would be an understatement.  Suffice to say I am busy with our dog (Otso).  I wanted to be able to go out of the house more, so I can get more sunshine, and hence I thought Otso would benefit from it too, so I am training her.  It's not as easy as you think. Also I am currently spending time a lot more time with one of the most important people in my life.  Will post pictures when I get back.

The flash site is almost finished, and I also got started on my Balance project.  Mind, Body & Soul balanced and in sync with each other.  More tomorrow. I am so tired I am falling asleep as I type all this.

Nite

Video

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows
But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion, confusion's the name of the
game
A misconception, a vast deception
Something's gotta change
Don't be offended this is all my opinion
ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with
y'all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Clear your mind, now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
'Cuz everything's gonna be all right

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your Kristal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need your silicon I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

This song just blows me away.  I'm dumbfounded as to how she sees every detail of her life, and her attitude is sound to the point of perfection, what a woman, she is not tied down to fashion nor has she joined any stereotypes.  A very intelligent woman with charming confidence and she has that presence, when she sings you know she loves what she is doing and its all from her heart.  My favorite part of the lyrics is where she says "My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows" and that says it all really  

Her voice has that serenity that fills my very being, such a unique soul. So beautifully talented.  I saw a video of her song Ready 4 Love and her voice has echoed deep into the crevices of my mind.  I searched the record stores, and of course (plugging) Amazon had it. Acoustic Soul - India Arie. This woman has such an amazing voice, and she sees life in its simplest form, aware of its shortcomings, yet loving life no matter what.  I adore this woman can you tell WOWOWOWOWOWOW!  I usually buy a CD and I will love a few songs at best about 7 out of 15 a menial 45%.  I love every single song in her album and I play this one everyday, it never gets boring nor annoying.  It's a motivating song for all women. 

So to all the women out there, love yourself I mean LOVEEEEEEE yourself unconditionally, for only then will you find other people will love you the same way, respect yourself first and you will gain respect from others.  Loving yourself means never being a doormat, never letting anyone treat you bad, because you know you deserve better.  Loving yourself means never degrading yourself, or letting anyone else degrade you.  Respecting yourself as in never putting yourself in a position where you can be abused or neglected or disrespected.  Get to know who you really are and be happy with what you have and who you have become, and if you are not happy, love yourself enough to change, only you can do it!

*whistles* I'm not the average girl from your video, and I aint built like a supermodel.............. I am a Queen, watch out NOW!  Make way.... The best is yet to come for all of us. LOVE yourself ladies!

Nite nite......

Picture Trail

Griffin and Sabine

Thank you....

A trip to Six Flags today felt like a stroll down Memory Lane, back to a time when I was still young and fun was always the agenda.  Luna and I headed for the Falls, only to leave soaked and drench to the bone.  Walking till your feet feel numb, because you need to see those doplhins, those sea lions, those hunky stunt men in tight water suits doing stunts on the Toyota Ski Xtreme Water Show, wait I meant those people .  It was unscripted fun, watching my sister and her friends, the way they are with each other, made me miss all my friends even more. So to (UK's finest) Anawara, Malou, Beth, Dana, kuya Alino, Ate Arlene, Kuya Marcus LOL, Maddz, Kuya Ronnie, kuya Carl, kuya Joel, Vinaaa! LOL, to Gayle, kuya Dante, Marj, Kuya Richie, Claire, Lisa, Julie, Stephanie, KerryAnn and to the ones I forgot to mention here, thank you for the drinking, the clubbing, the fun, the trouble, the tequilla days, the tequilla nights, the tequilla weekends, the late nights, early mornings, the times together, the unyeilding friendship, the unforgetable moments, and the happy memories that still play in my mind.  I miss you all more than you know.

I'm sure you all have an idea of what happens in a theme park so I'll just say we had so much fun.  I wanted to share this story before I went to bed though;

Walking back from the Monsoon Falls, soaking and drenched in filthy water, a mother sits down on a bench next to her sister and her niece.  She looks around and asked where is my daughter? Her sister looks at her assuringly and says oh! she is with Kan.  As a mother we always ask about our children before anything else becomes a topic of the day, so once that was established the mother chats happily, joking and clowning around with her sister and her niece, its nice to sit there and have fun, and just be out of the house together.  Kan walks by and all is well, but wait she is alone, where are the children? one of whom was this mother's daughter? She suddenly got that sick feeling in her stomach, she got up and walked, and as she walked up there was a junction, frantic her sister had begun to call Kan, to ask where the children were? and why was she alone, during all this the mother was walking neither going left nor right.

She is beside herself, thinking of the worse, blaming herself for leaving her with them, why was she so stupid, she should have taken her to the ride, but she wanted to go on the kid's ride that was why she opted to stay with them.  She never worried coz she figured that her daughter would be safe!  Suddenly doubts of her parenting skills were running through her head, bewildered she stared into the crowd, some guy said something, but she didn't pay attention, nothing was more important, no one was more important, she needed to see her daughter.  All she could think of was her daughter crying in the crowd lost and alone with no one to tell her everything is ok, ask her if she was ok, kiss her hair, and hold her close.  This was a lesson she had definitely learned, never leave her daughter with anyone no matter who they were!! NEVER NEVER not in a public place like that where anyone could take her.

She looked at her sister, she was signaling something, as she got closer her sister said that all is well, Kan left them on a ride while she went to the restroom, left them on WHAT?? Just the two of them?? a 2 yr old and a 9 yr old???  she didn't spend anymore time trying to decipher that level of stupidity, and rather than run to her daughter she figured the best way was to calm down first and get herself together and wait for them, coz they were walking back already. 

Unaware of what had happened, her daughter walked towards her, sat on her lap and just rested on her shoulder, oblivious to the mother's fear and desperation minutes before.  Moments later she look up at her mother "Ma I want to go on that ride, together you and me, are you still able to? it's ok if you can't I know your eyes are red and you are already wet" Hearing how nicely that was put the mother got up and never hesitated, even though her eyes feel like they've been burnt out of their socket.  She needed to share this with her daughter, this was their time together this was their favorite ride on all the theme parks.  She needed some time too just the two of them, the thought of losing her is enough to want to hold her literally forever.  They sat together, talked together, she asked about the rides her daughter went on and why was she left alone? and for how long? and don't ever let anyone leave you like that, it's not right.  The ride started and they screamed together, laughed together and got drenched together, and reminisced of times before when they did that together...

They walked up the path together stood above the bridge together, and got soaked again, together.  It was the walk back to their friends and family that the mother loved the most, for as they walked down the steps dripping with filthy water, coughing and shivering, her daughter looked up at her, smiled and simply said "Ma Thank you".  She was thanking her? That was the most fun this mother has had in years, and her daughter thank her for that time together. It was a moment she knew she will never ever forget, one that must be remembered in the years to come. She hugged her in the middle of that Theme Park, and as she got up she wiped away the mixture of water and tears from her eyes, which had stopped hurting for some reason. Everything was ok, she had her daughter back and that was all that mattered, that is all that ever matters.

Thank you too  Luna.  I had a magical day. I love you.