January 24, 2008

• Each day gets better...

   

  Two years, wow! It feels like a lifetime since I wrote my thoughts here.  Here I am again sitting in front of my computer writing from my heart and trying my best to learn, to get through, to feel whole, to make sense of where I am and where I am heading.  Looking back through the years I realize that my life has been so colorful and despite mistakes and unbelievably wrong, stupid decisions, it always seemed to work out.  Sometime I feel that some of the decisions I had to make were so hard, and sometimes I think that maybe I should have thought twice, or maybe walked away.  I've been hurt and I know I've hurt others too.  I try to look ahead without regret, but sometimes I think about the people who've crossed my path and wonder where they are now?  How are they doing?  What has life dealt them? I hope they are all happy now.  When you share moments with others, you share a piece of you with them also, and when you sever those ties, a piece of you leaves with them.

  I feel that I am babbling but I am truly just trying to find my ground, trying to understand all these feelings that fill my chest as if its about to explode. I am lost again, and thats hard to fathom for me.  I guess I am just at an uncertain place in my life.   I am at the 'not sure where to turn to crossroad'.  I don't really want to talk to anyone about it.  I want to just write till I am blue. I want to find myself all by myself, because right now that is how I feel. I feel like I stood in the grocery store looking into the fridge at this delectably looking Tiramisu, just anticipating the taste, the satisfaction and the sheer delight.  It looks so GOOD. You get home and take it out of the package and well... yeah what can I say?

  Amidst my confusion and my self interrogation are the moments when things seem right and seem to be just how they are suppose to be.  I wonder how this reads, maybe the people who read it will be just as confused as I am.  Its been an eye opening two years yet again I am guided first of all by my love for my daughter and of course by my heart.  I am going through some self discoveries and I am trying to look within myself for answers to questions that seem so hard to answer.

  I wanted to share so badly but I don't know where to begin.  Maybe time will show me the way... I hear each day gets better after all

  • 5:37 pm
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