Above is my first audio blog , whoo hoo! I'm like a toothless kid in a candy shop. Jumping up and down and fiddling with everything, trying everything, and it all looks so good.  I am still messing around with the video features, and still trying to figure out why it keeps stating that I have no pulse  (check left side of blog!).  I check two minutes ago and I do have a pulse . Maybe its bcoz I disappeared for 2 years it thinks I'm dead HA! HA!HA!

I love this audio blog feature.  Its almost as good as writing, its quicker and much more personal I think. Still I need to get back to graphics.  I am still trying to find my inspiration.  I think it left with my pulse, they decided to run off with each other.

I guess I'll share one of my fave photos in the last two years!

Is everyone else trying this audio blog feature if not why not?  I think its nice to be able to put a voice with the face.  It's nice to know that the person writing really is a man or a woman. and not vice versa.

Two years, wow! It feels like a lifetime since I wrote my thoughts here.  Here I am again sitting in front of my computer writing from my heart and trying my best to learn, to get through, to feel whole, to make sense of where I am and where I am heading.  Looking back through the years I realize that my life has been so colorful and despite mistakes and unbelievably wrong, stupid decisions, it always seemed to work out.  Sometime I feel that some of the decisions I had to make were so hard, and sometimes I think that maybe I should have thought twice, or maybe walked away.  I've been hurt and I know I've hurt others too.  I try to look ahead without regret, but sometimes I think about the people who've crossed my path and wonder where they are now?  How are they doing?  What has life dealt them? I hope they are all happy now.  When you share moments with others, you share a piece of you with them also, and when you sever those ties, a piece of you leaves with them.

I feel that I am babbling but I am truly just trying to find my ground, trying to understand all these feelings that fill my chest as if its about to explode. I am lost again, and thats hard to fathom for me.  I guess I am just at an uncertain place in my life.   I am at the 'not sure where to turn to crossroad'.  I don't really want to talk to anyone about it.  I want to just write till I am blue. I want to find myself all by myself, because right now that is how I feel. I feel like I stood in the grocery store looking into the fridge at this delectably looking Tiramisu, just anticipating the taste, the satisfaction and the sheer delight.  It looks so GOOD. You get home and take it out of the package and well... yeah what can I say?

Amidst my confusion and my self interrogation are the moments when things seem right and seem to be just how they are suppose to be.  I wonder how this reads, maybe the people who read it will be just as confused as I am.  Its been an eye opening two years yet again I am guided first of all by my love for my daughter and of course by my heart.  I am going through some self discoveries and I am trying to look within myself for answers to questions that seem so hard to answer.

I wanted to share so badly but I don't know where to begin.  Maybe time will show me the way... I hear each day gets better after all

It feels like forever
to be away from you, to sever
to walk away from your arms
reminiscent of your charms

How can you touch my heart so?
Why is it so hard to let go?
Why do I keep coming back?
like you have what I lack.

I can still hear the words of each song
as if here is where they belong
as if enticing me to write
reminding me that this was my delight

The days when writing meant to world to me
When writing was my pure unsensored glee
I wrote with all my heart
Never hesitating to start

My fingers just typed eagerly
Mind racing anxiously
I looked forward to the end of the day
When I could express what I wanted to say.

Has it been almost 2 years?
When I read about my peers
It seems like only yesterday
when my thoughts were on display.

I guess what I'm trying to say
I miss you Xanga and I'm here to stay.