March 16, 2005
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Reality is ......
Its hard to please people, it is even harder to do everything right for everyone, but you will find that the best way is to do what is right in your heart. I always look unto the horizon trying to gauge what happened, why me ? Blah blah (usual self pity drone). Trying to find the answers, and only now did I figure it does not matter what anyone thinks of you, whether they like you or not, as long as you can look in the mirror and you like who you are. It does not matter how many times people judge you because no one knows you best. It does not matter how many hurtful words are said to you, your self definition of you must come from within.
I have been spending a lot of my time with a group of women who are reading the bible, they don't belong to a religion per se, but they read the bible and they try to understand what lies within it, and for someone like me who never ever read the bible before, it is enlightening to say the least. I'm the first to shy away from religion because I believe my relationship with God must always be personal, a relationship that has its up and down but is based on love; but these women are simply heartwarming, and spiritually motivating. It wasn't so long ago that I began to lose my faith. I was hurting so bad that I forgot to ask for help from the one who could help me the most. I turned away from everything and everyone and from my beliefs. Imagine being so down that you think that there is nothing more than what you have, yep been there, done that. Spending time with them gave me the hope I never dreamed I could find again, they reminded me what faith in God can mean. Most of the people I talk to say they believe in God. Now I know anyone can say that they believe in God, but when you know God in your heart, only then will you find real peace. Its that part of you that never hesitates to accept people, the part of you that does things wholeheartedly and unselfishly, and the presence within you that helps you to be more, a peace unlike anything you will ever know. It is a peace untold and an enlightment ever so bright.
It is when you can be with your enemy and offer him peace. It is when you can set aside your pride, your ego and your own self pity to find a way to reach others. In my case its when I can accept what is going on and make an even bigger effort to please those who I claim to love. Its about writing a letter to my dad offering him my love and respect as his daughter rather than walking away from him and listing everything he ever did wrong to me in my life or should I say everything he never did. Its about accepting and forgiving with an open heart, its about letting go of all the pain, all the heartache, all the hurtful words, all the hurtful actions and letting the hatred go, and starting anew. Its about being at peace with my own heart and then inviting everyone to join me in my newfound peace. Its about choosing to live without the drama that comes with keeping scores.
So today I sit and write to all of you and share what I have learned in the past two weeks, and that is forgiveness and acceptance, be free of the hurt, of the hatred and of the pain that comes from letting other people affect who you are and what you can be. Hear what they say about you and if it is to tell you about how bad you are, then don't listen, don't pay attention, let it passed through and land on the floor, where it belongs. Be careful not to judge others too, because that is a sure sign of who you really are, because you will find that those who have so many bad things to say about others have more insecurities than most. Only when you find there is nothing wrong with you, will you have the right to say something about someone else. Those who say hurtful words are usually the ones hurting the most.
I want to say thank you first and foremost to Maria who introduced me to the Bible. Ate Grace who helps me understand and takes the time to guide me on my learning, and Ate Lori who is a shining example always and Josephine who humbles me everyday with her dedication and faith.
Last but not least my Gym partner Candra who happens to be one of the most forgiving person I have ever met. You help me realize each and everyday that in this ordinary life you will meet the most extra ordinary people. I thought I had a tough life but you remind me that not only have I been luckier than most, you remind me to be strong by your example. I am grateful I met you for you have truly blessed my life. I know it will never be the same again for I have met a woman who overcame more than most and lives her life still giving and never giving up. I know you say there is so much I can teach you, but in reality you teach me each and everyday by just being the person that you are. You are one in a Trillion Candie!
Another long entry from me, but hey that's me, what can I tell you
I am not here to convince anyone else, because I have learned through others that when the time is right you will find your own way to him. He is real, don't just say you believe, take the time to learn and really understand, then it is not just belief, it is knowledge. Knowledge is more profound, because when you know in your heart that he is with you, nothing will ever break you, for you have someone very powerful always watching over you. God is real, and he is all that you will ever need to be happy.
God bless You always
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Comments (13)
Wow! Sounds like you are having a profound experience! You know, the Bible is constant, God is constant, but organized religion is manmade. I've been there, believe me. After many, many years of organized religion, I got burned out. Cold. Unspiritual in any sense of the word. Your post is inspiring, though. I know that one day, I'm going to find my relationship with God, but without all the junk that religion lays on you. Who knows, it may happen sooner than I think. Thanks for sharing, Zeliah. You're a very special person, in so many ways. You were my first encourager on Xanga, I'll never forget that. I hope your new found spiritual experience will grow and become even more real and meaningful to you. Hugs to you from your buddy!
wonderful post- i had to share a quote, because it sounds you've found true peace.
"peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of all these things and still be calm in your heart" -unknown
mmm.....i feel any of my words are inadequate - so beautiful are the ideas you're expressing....
you boiled it down for yourself...and that is a rare and beautiful thing...as long as you are comfortable then that is all that matters...
It's wonderful when we have people who inspire us everyday in our life. Most of the people who inspired us didn't even know that they made a big difference in other people's lives
lol. how ironic... i been going to church recently for the first time in my life. I have grown alot in the way you have. I also believe that god is personal, i never studied or conformed to a religion. I have drawn my own thoughts and beliefs from all religions. I have also realized that you must set aside your pride ego and self pity, but instead I relate it to sacrifice. Those of us who see the beauty of life must sacrifice things to lead (not tell or show) others in that direction sort of like a (psycho) messiah. A person can know what is right and what is wrong, but to feel it is another story. It is always easier to do the wrong thing that makes you feel better than the right thing that makes us all better.
Yes your blogs are long, i typically dont read them for a few days at least. But as long as you dont blog that much everyday i can keep up. =) I just started a new job, and i imported my inbox to work, i saw your email and said "who the fuck is this" for a few minutes. "oh yah, its zeliah." haha.
hey girl. i've been trying to get in touch with you - but in case you aren't aware - you're website is exposed right now. talk to you soon. love ya - bye
Thank you! Often times I contimplate these things, but when someone else kinda reminds you and reiterates, it's almost like your kinda made anew. I guess you don't really notice that your logs are long sometimes because the profound impact they usually hold. Continued growth, peace, and love.
Hi Zeliah,
It's been awhile since I last wrote. Lots has happened!!! I read your post and ... realise with all the turmoil around me I have been moving away from God. To busy with my problems to ask Him for help.
Thanx for the reminder,
Jo
Forgiveness is something that I have always struggled with. It's wonderful that you have found place in your heart to take such a difficult step to forgive those who may have wronged you.
Woww... haven't heard from ya in a while.. haven't been here in a while too... I see you're still as beautiful physically mentally spiritually emotionally xanga-lly.. hehe
Wise words from a wise woman.
It seems our insecurities tend to get the best of us. It's hard not to struggle within ourselves. We always worry about how others see us, because we have this innate tendancy to need to feel like we belong; that we are accepted. When we feel like we won't be accepted for who we are, we hide behind a mask and pretend to be someone we are not. The cycle constantly continues, and it is because of this we don't live life for ourselves.
You said that all we need is God to be happy, but how do we and God reach others who constantly live in doubt or don't know God?
May peace be with u...
Stay stornger, live stronger!~ If God is with us, who can be against us?!
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