October 13, 2004

• First.....

  
  
  

  Listening to this song took me back to a time when I was just 14.....

  
  

  Having moved to a new village tucked within the quiet suburbia in the north of  the United Kingdom. I found myself thinking about what lies ahead.  New school, new friends, and new challenges. 

  
  

  First day of school and its the same dreary class with everyone messing around.  I figure this is going to be hard for sure. So I sit at the back and hope no one notices that I am yet again the only foreign girl. Too late coz the teacher comes in and diverts all the attention to me, yep it was a "Hi! there. You're the new girl right? Tell everyone what your name is and where you come from." I hate it when they do that, it feels like you have neon lights pointed only at you. So embarrassment over and I sit down, and then he walks in and Oh! I tell you, in that moment I felt this dizzy feeling in my stomach that made me so teary.

  
  

  WOW!  David. Oh my lord. Oh my!!!! I nearly fell off my seat, he was so goodlooking. I mean a smile that made me forget my own name.  I could feel my face turn red, and all I could think of was Uhhh!  I just couldn't figure out what was happening to me.  I mean I never felt that way about anyone.  I usually just ignore boys when they talk to me.  I thought they were weird when they would try to talk to me.  I remember my hand would always come up to their face and it would be a quick "Get lost".  But David was different, he had those eyes that felt like heaven was right behind them.  I am all giggly and excited as I write this.  It's like being there again in that moment, geez he still sends me to shivers. 

  
  

  I remembered he was in 5 of my classes for that year and after that first day that I met him.  I did a 180 and all of a sudden I wanted to know all about makeup, and how to dress.  I began to look like a girl, wow who knew I actually had breast.  I had always hidden them underneath all those layers of clothes. 

  
  

  For 4 years I kept my crush for David, all to myself.  I watched him from afar, staring when he wasn't looking and pretending he never existed whenever he would looked at me.  Ah! the games we play.  He would sometimes come up to me and talk, and I would pinch my arm to remind myself not to faint.  He was always so nice to me, but he never gave me any sign that he liked me, and so I was happy to just watch him, he was my inspiration, my reason to work hard everyday at school.  I wanted to make sure he noticed me, so I studied hard and good at the subjects he liked most i.e. computers.

  
  

  Two months before we were due to leave for summer, then on to University, things began to dawn on me.  I might never see him again. I was dreading the end of the school year... Then as if the heaven's answered my prayers, a mutual friend asked me to go to her 18th and she made sure to tell me David was coming.  So after what seemed like eternity trying to find the right clothes and then starting over again! Almost burning my hair out with the tongs, and putting makeup on and then taking it all off, thinking he might like that, yes I was halfway going psychotic. 

  
  

  The party was really good. It was held at this really posh hotel, and the weather cooperating too, and if you live in England you would know what I mean!  I saw David from the moment I got to the party (ok so I was looking out for him!)  I was sitting on the other side of the room from him, GRR!  After a while I noticed David danced all night with this girl I had never met before.  I was crushed.  I decided I would take a walk on the hotel grounds.  I just kept walking until I reached this tiny river, and I sat on the stone ledge overlooking the river.  It was only then that I felt my tears flow, 4 years of waiting for him to ask me, and ignoring every boy whoever asked and he has a girlfriend!! Talk about ironic. 

  
  

  So on I went talking to myself, trying to convince myself this is just a teenage crush, until I felt this hand on my shoulder.  "Are you ok?" I hurriedly hid my face and whispered "Yes I'm good" to which he said "Are you sure?"  Wait a minute I know that voice. I turned around and its David.  "Bloody Hell" I blurted, forgetting that I had been crying.  

  
  

  "What are you doing here?" 
  "I wanted to ask you to dance"
  "Me?" 
  "Yeah you" He laughed as if amused that I was shocked.
  "Yea and I'm sure your girlfriend would love that"
  "Ah! She's my cousin, she is visiting from Spain"
  "Oh" was all I could muster

  
  

  Yep it was official now.  Could I embarras myself more?  He sat down next to me and for the first time we got the chance to talk as in just the two of us, without his friends or mine listening in.  Then he tells me that he has always liked me.  I am now wondering how long before I wake up from this dream, when he slowly leans towards me and asked "Can I kiss you?" I wanted to jump up and shout "Yes! Yes pls! Pretty pls?" instead I opted for a wimpy "ok", and so there I was with my first kiss, with my first crush, and my puppy love, and it was remarkable. 

  
  

  I remember it like it was yesterday, gentle, soft passionate and mind blowing.  Suddenly the 4 years didnt seem like forever anymore, and David was no longer a dream.  He held my hand and we danced without music by the river and standing there with him, mud covering my precious shoes I was happy. 

  
  

  David and I spent the next two months in nothing but young and innocent love, the kind that knows no heartache, with fresh trust and loyalty that comes with innocence.  Then it was time to part ways.  He had to go to the other side of the country and I had to stay.  I sobbed as I hugged him, and seeing him get on that train tore my heart, but seeing the tears in his eyes broke my soul.

  
  

  We talked everyday, promising each other forever, then after 4 months I had to go to back to the Philippines and it was harder to keep in touch.  We faded like the wind.....

  
  

  It was 5 years before I saw David again, and at that time we had really gone our own way,  We talked about the past and reminisced and then we said farewell to one another.  He told me I was his first love and as I hugged him all I could say was take care and be happy. What I should have said was....

  
  

  David......Thank you for a love I will always cherish, and now I know you were my....... First Love.

  • 7:20 pm
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