August 19, 2004

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  FOREVER
   
  
  

  Yesterday after having less than 6 hours sleep in the last 3 days, as I was trying to finish all my work and help friends with theirs, my body decided to call it quits again.  All I remember was talking to my mentor Steve and telling him I was dizzy.  I went to lie down and woke up this morning.  To find my daughter had placed covers on me, she put water next to the bed, she even made sure I was comfortable, she put my hair down and she helped me get into bed.  My point to all this, other than I feel like I reversed roles with my daughter is that, days like this and a million reasons as to why I love her more than words can say, because no one sees the great things she does, and the changes she has had to go through having a mother like me brings.  My life has always been a Days of our lives episode that plays on and on, and sometimes despite my best I fail as no one is perfect, and she has to suffer through those consequences.  She is not perfect, not by any means but she is perfect to me, her love for me is one that grows everyday and is the one thing that keeps me going when everything is going wrong.  When the people close to me have let me down, she is there always.  I have never known anyone who loved me that way.  No one!  I know no one ever will.  Her words and her actions are genuine and sincere to the very core of every word. I asked her why she did this and all she said was "you were so ill I wanted to make you feel better". 

  
  

  Ok so before I flood my keyboard and I begin to go deeper into why the artwork she made, means so much to me as it must have taken her hours to do it.  It was the fact that rather than playing with her toys or watching TV she sat down to give me what she thought would help me, disregarding herself.  I have not met many people who are like that.  If I was to be frank, most of my friends will call me for their needs, some of the people I meet only think of themselves and only know you when they need something.  I hate to say it but its true, there are too many selfish people in my life, who see me as their personal tech support, their personal bank, their personal slave, their personal counselor, their own relationship guru, and very rare would they call me to check if I need something or if I am ok.  God is wise for he gave me the one person who helped me more than anyone.  Someone who sees me in a light brighter than anyone can shine on me.  I know that no matter how anyone chooses to see her, or what anyone says, she will always be on my side. So when I let go of friends who have abused our friendship or let go of anyone else, its because I know that nothing will compare and no one will come close, and I need to give my time and my love to the one who means the most to me, and that is Luna.  There is nothing more important to me right now, and everytime this choice comes up, there will be no question.  For there is no contest. 

  
  
  

  I often get complimented that I love my daughter so much, and yes I do more than I can express here, but the reason I love her is more profound than just because I am her mother, it is who she is, and what she does, and the love she shows me everyday.  I started this journal to have something that was my own, something that isn't anyone else's.  I wanted a place to leave my thoughts, remind me of good times, lessons learned, and everything that I would want to read about, and if most of my entries get wiped out tomorrow. I would hope that the ones with Luna stay to remind me that I was blessed for unlike other mothers I not only love my daughter because she is mine.  I fall inlove with her everyday and I am lucky for she is mine.

  
  

  Thanks Luna..... You are and always will be my true forever....

  • 8:49 pm
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